Push 'PAUSE'

Determined to make this whole pause thing work, I rushed right out and put it into practice.  For my pauses to be effective, I had to do one thing:  stop.  Seems simple enough, right?  Wrong.  At first, I would get out of my car, get to a doorway, pause, and remove my sunglasses.  People certainly looked--which was the goal.  But what were they seeing?  They were seeing a person go from speed walking to stopping on the dime.  It was anything but graceful.  And we know grace is essential to poise.  For it to be graceful, I had to slow down. 

Slowing down goes against what I've been taught, it forces me to slow down to what initially has been an uncomfortable pace.  Society shapes us to get as much done as we possibly can in the shortest amount of time.  I am a professional action item list creator and list clearer.  I can wake up with 72 things to do and get them all done.  In my mind, if I manage my time effectively, I can do anything.  But why do I need to get everything done?

While the focus may be on allowing others to drink me in during those poised pauses, I've discovered I have been missing out on so many details around me. I'd like to think I fluttered from one place to another spreading goodness and joy to everyone I encountered.  I'm not sure that's not part of what I was doing.  :-)  Becoming mindful of the value of the pause (at it relates to poise), has made me realize that even during my fluttering, I wasn't present.  Instead, I was calculating how many minutes it will take me to check off things on my To Do List. 

I think it comes down to how I was raised.  My mother is the queen of the completed list.  When I was growing up, I'd travel with her from store to store.  We'd start out at the fruit market, then the meat market, then regular super market.  This would all be done by noon.  On weekdays while we were in school, she'd proudly have all of her house cleaning done by lunch time.  She's 'retired' now and discovered the value of slowing down.  As I applaud her at every turn for doing this, I think I assumed that slowing down was a reward for speeding through life.   

I'm realizing that pausing doesn't mean I don't accomplish the things on my To Do List.  It will just take longer.  But the trade-off is that I get to enjoy the world around me as I do them while the world gets to drink me in.