Femin-Yin

Long time, no tea.  :)  When I first began my pursuit of incorporating geisha practices into my life, I thought that I would be learning techniques...strategies....things that would allow me to be a better catch and ultimately a better partner.

At first, it felt strange - using my "danna" and other random men as guinea pigs for my efforts.  My mannerisms were forced, unnatural, inauthentic.  So I began to abandon the teachings - and this blog.

What I didn't realize is that while I thought that I was moving away from the art, the art was being reborn inside of me. It began with an almost imperceptible embracing of my femininity in a way that I never have before.  I have always enjoyed being a woman and have never felt as though my gender was a burden or something to overcome.  On the other hand, I never quite delved into what it means to fully be YIN...the complement to YANG.

The last few months have been absolutely transformational - even though I wasn't consciously aware that transformation was taking place.  So much so, that I have changed the theme and focus of the Vision Wall that I'd held onto for the past 3 years.  For me, that is major because it represents a change or (at the very least) an awakening in my core.

Becoming a geisha...hell...becoming a woman, is powerful.  It's more than hair, make-up, nails, walking, smiling, etc.  It's an essence that you feel when you're sitting still.  It's the sense of calm assurance that you radiate because you hold the secrets of the universe in your being.  Not just the secrets of womanhood, but the knowledge of how you exist harmoniously in relation to man - whether that man is your lover, son, co-worker, pet, neighbor or absolute stranger.  And of course, the natural byproduct of that assurance...that infusing of femininity that stems from your core creates a positive outcome in relation to interacting with men.

One of the things about YIN, is that it represents a time of stillness, meditation, intuition, quiet.  Most times, people think that during this period nothing much is going on.  What I'm learning is that during my period of  YIN-derstanding, I have been chipping away at walls that I've built emotionally, clearing away debris that I had neglected and allowed to gather in the corners of my spirit.  Things that prevented me from fully experiencing and enjoying being a moving, living, breathing work of art.

"And when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly..."

Practice Makes Geisha

The very word geisha means artist;

and to be a geisha is to be judged

as a moving work of art.

~Mameha in Memoirs of a Geisha

The very first day I began practicing the art of movement, I repeated this refrain in my head several times. It was important to have a clear intention in mind, so my body would cooperate. Although I would not say walking artfully was easy that day, I did experience some success. The days immediately after, I practiced poised movements and the poised pause.

Until I forgot.

I remember learning to play the flute many years ago. I learned the fingering and embouchure required for each note and practiced them several times. Sometimes hours a day. Weaving the individual notes into basic songs required still more practice. When I played a sour note, I made the correction, practiced the note in isolation, and replayed the phrase again.

In very short order, I went from never having held a flute, to playing first chair alongside flautists with several years more experience. Although it was only a few months, it was not overnight, nor was it effortless.

To be a master craftswoman in any area requires practice, patience, and persistence.

Becoming a geisha is no different than mastering the art of the flute. I grew up a tomboy who gradually shifted into more feminine ways of being. Feminine, but hurried. Comfortable in my own body, perhaps even graceful (except when I’m clumsy), but not a moving work of art.

Up until now, my movement has always been purposeful. My purpose? To get somewhere; not to get there beautifully. My stride ensured arrival; not artful arrival. And so I have to practice. I have to be patient with myself and allow myself time to form a new way of being in the world. I must be persistent if I am truly going to transform from a mortal woman into a geisha.

And so tomorrow, I practice.

Push 'PAUSE'

Determined to make this whole pause thing work, I rushed right out and put it into practice.  For my pauses to be effective, I had to do one thing:  stop.  Seems simple enough, right?  Wrong.  At first, I would get out of my car, get to a doorway, pause, and remove my sunglasses.  People certainly looked--which was the goal.  But what were they seeing?  They were seeing a person go from speed walking to stopping on the dime.  It was anything but graceful.  And we know grace is essential to poise.  For it to be graceful, I had to slow down. 

Slowing down goes against what I've been taught, it forces me to slow down to what initially has been an uncomfortable pace.  Society shapes us to get as much done as we possibly can in the shortest amount of time.  I am a professional action item list creator and list clearer.  I can wake up with 72 things to do and get them all done.  In my mind, if I manage my time effectively, I can do anything.  But why do I need to get everything done?

While the focus may be on allowing others to drink me in during those poised pauses, I've discovered I have been missing out on so many details around me. I'd like to think I fluttered from one place to another spreading goodness and joy to everyone I encountered.  I'm not sure that's not part of what I was doing.  :-)  Becoming mindful of the value of the pause (at it relates to poise), has made me realize that even during my fluttering, I wasn't present.  Instead, I was calculating how many minutes it will take me to check off things on my To Do List. 

I think it comes down to how I was raised.  My mother is the queen of the completed list.  When I was growing up, I'd travel with her from store to store.  We'd start out at the fruit market, then the meat market, then regular super market.  This would all be done by noon.  On weekdays while we were in school, she'd proudly have all of her house cleaning done by lunch time.  She's 'retired' now and discovered the value of slowing down.  As I applaud her at every turn for doing this, I think I assumed that slowing down was a reward for speeding through life.   

I'm realizing that pausing doesn't mean I don't accomplish the things on my To Do List.  It will just take longer.  But the trade-off is that I get to enjoy the world around me as I do them while the world gets to drink me in.

The Power in a Poised Pause

Mizuki's recent post is a snapshot from my mind:

I've always believed that a woman does not have to imitate masculinity in order to be powerful. ...Yet something so simple as standing still in a doorway (if done correctly - believe me - I'm practicing all over my house lol) can draw the attention of a crowd.

By nature, my goal is to get from point A to point B, efficiently. It is only recently that I’ve begun to slow down, be mindful, and employ the art of the poised pause. I communicate with a great deal of composure, leveraging the intellect to take over where the introvert could easily fall short. I take my time, I listen, I artfully weave together ideas under discussion. I pause to gain attention. In speaking, I am poised.

Walking around, however, is another animal altogether.

The past few days, I’ve worked to enter rooms with the poised pause. This is difficult. Also? It is effective. It is difficult because you must be present enough and comfortable enough in your own skin to slow down, for the sole purpose of being noticed. Sure, it helps you be more grounded and graceful. It ensures you aren’t rushing nor wandering aimlessly. But let’s face it: you are announcing your presence. You are inviting others to take notice. And when done correctly, they do.

The first time I employed the pause on entering a coffee shop. A man on the far side of the room stopped what he was doing to drink me in. He continued to eye (not ogle) me for the next several minutes, eventually saying hello before we parted ways. I wondered if it were a fluke, so I tried it again. This time, I fully expected no one to pay attention. After all, I was leaving the local grocer and only pausing in a doorway that led to the parking lot.

I was wrong.

I resumed walking only to find an admirer standing nearby. He made sure to gain my attention, smile and tell me I was beautiful. I thanked him and returned the smile graciously, but it caused me to reflect.

Walking and speaking with poise, commanding a space with a powerfully quiet presence - these things draw attention. I’ve continued practicing (both the pause and walking with more poise in general). Women have given me glances and side eyes (some with admiration, others, curiosity). Men steal looks, sometimes stumbling over words or feet to connect.

The truth is, people notice a poised woman. The poised woman in the boardroom is not ignored, nor trifled with. The poised woman is in charge and others look to her.

The poised woman is leveraging feminine energy, not imitating masculine energy. The more I practice the feminine arts, I realize femininity is like water flowing over a rock: its power is subtle, yet ultimately, utterly profound.

Ain't I A Woman?

One of the things that both intrigues and confuses me is finding the balance between my feminine nature and my feminist attitude.  I use the term "feminist" loosely because while I don't consider myself to be one of those "every evil has its origins in patriarchy" thinkers, I've always lived my life exactly the way that I've wanted to.  It never occurred to me until I began to have conversations with other women that my existence could possibly have ceilings or boundaries.

On the surface, it seems that every sensually powerful woman projects an aura that is ultimately submissive to a man.  Now of course, this makes the most independently spirited of us instinctively recoil in horror.  By definition, this means that these women appear to be tame, subdued...passive.  Isn't that what got "us" in trouble to begin with?  The reason that we feel the need to fight so hard for our voices to be heard over the dull roar of our masculine counterparts?  What does this mean for the self-sufficient modern woman that would like to recapture the power of her femininity?  What about HERstory?

I've always believed that a woman does not have to imitate masculinity in order to be powerful.  Aggression does not always initiate respect.  I've often watched my mother command the attention of an entire room by simply standing still.  My voice and mannerisms are similarly subtle.  Yet, I've often wondered how to harness that power - especially in the way that it pertains to men.  Because I am attractive, I often capture first, second and third glances, conversations and the like.  But I want more.

One of the articles that I recently read outlined steps to developing poise.  She talks about how to properly enter a room...to PAUSE...allow time for you to gather your composure before moving, while allowing people to absorb your presence.  How...utterly...powerful...

I think of how women often feel as though they need to dress provocatively, speak roughly, draw attention to themselves in overt manners.  Yet something so simple as standing still in a doorway (if done correctly - believe me - I'm practicing all over my house lol) can draw the attention of a crowd.

Now take that attitude and composure into a boardroom, committee meeting, classroom. Once the attention is captured, the audience is yours.  It reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in the latest adaptation of The Karate Kid:

"Being still and doing nothing are two entirely different things."

Tea Time

Welcome to our Okiya.  I assume you were drawn here for some of the very same reasons that my friends and I decided to create this special place.  So where do we begin?  Or rather, how did we (Asami Yoko, Kazami Aika and me...Mizuki Riko) decide to open our own geisha house in cyberspace?

It began as most conversations tend to - whenever groups of women get a chance to relax and "spill tea".  :)  The topic rolled around to our dating adventures.  As each of us jokingly mentioned that we wished that we could learn the secrets of ancient women who harnessed their femininity and sexual energy to snag and bag their men, we came to a simultaneous realization that we could do exactly that.  Why not?

Why not study and master those secrets?  Why not create a place where we could share the things we learned?  As our idea took flight - our awareness of ourselves and our surroundings began to change (more to come in later posts). All three of us - generally confident women - suddenly became even more aware of the power of our femininity.  Our curiosity led us to the Orient...where the ladies who gracefully poured tea and entertained male guests captured our interest.

"To be a geisha is to become a moving piece of art."

The best thing about this experience so far is that we have the freedom to create our best version of ourselves while practicing our talents on unsuspecting men.  ;-)  We are artists...perfecting our craft.  While the three of us are still technically "maiko" (apprentices), we hope that you'll come along with us as we transform into full-fledged geisha.  *graceful bow*